It’s the perfect way to bring junior high boys—and those who think like junior high boys—into the Scriptures. Unload these verses on your guys, and they’ll think you’re making this crap up. You might get in a heap of trouble with the education committee, but your junior high students will giggle for a week.
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Crap Sandwich
There’s some discussion about the word with in this passage—it has two possible meanings. When God told Ezekiel to make bread with his own feces, did God mean Ezekiel should bake the bread over a flaming pile of dung? Or did he mean Ezekiel should use poo as an ingredient? Read multiple translations, and then decide what you think.
“You will drink about two-thirds of a quart of water every day at set times. Eat your food as you would eat a barley cake, baking it over human dung where the people can see.” Then the Lord said, “In the same way Israel will eat unclean food among the nations where I force them to go.“
But I said, “No, Lord God! I have never been made unclean. From the time I was young until now I’ve never eaten anything that died by itself or was torn by animals. Unclean meat has never entered my mouth.“
“Very well,“ he said. “Then I will give you cow’s dung instead of human dung to use for your fire to bake your bread.” (Ezekiel 4:11-15 NCV)
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Teehee—Jesus Said Manure
Funny how this part of the “saltiness” passage gets left out of the Sunday school curriculum . . .
Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is fit neither for the soil nor for the manure pile; it is thrown out.
He who has ears to hear, let him hear. (Luke 14:34-35 NIV)
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Rubbing Your Face in It
This is God when he’s in a grouchy mood. Picture your favorite angry stand-up comic. Now imagine God is speaking through the comedian, saying, “I’m not only taking you down—I’m taking down all your grandchildren and their grandchildren, and then I’m going to rub poop in your face.”
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it. (Malachi 2:3 KJV)
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You’re Going to Need a Bigger Shovel
You don’t have a picnic next to the Porta-Potty. You don’t put the dirty diaper pail in the sanctuary. Some things require respect. God’s house—the worship circle—is one of them.
Designate a place outside the camp where you can go to relieve yourself. As part of your equipment have something to dig with, and when you relieve yourself, dig a hole and cover up your excrement. (Deuteronomy 23:12-13 NIV)
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Did He Say What I Think He Said?
Although it gets translated as “dung,” the word the apostle Paul used in this passage is a little more graphic. You can say dung in front of your grandmother . . . maybe you can even get away with crap. But there’s one word you most certainly shouldn’t say, and that’s the one Paul used. Paul probably used the most offensive version of the word in order to get attention and make a point. We can’t print the word here, but you get the idea.
Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ. (Philippians 3:8 KJV)
Steve Case has been active in youth ministry for 18 years, currently at Windermere Union United Church of Christ near Orlando, Florida. He’s also a popular speaker and the author of several books, includingEVERYTHING COUNTS and THE BOOK OF UNCOMMON PRAYER. Find more of his books HERE and visit his website HERE.